My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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