The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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