i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
