we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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