It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
