I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
