I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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