The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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