Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
