I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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