It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
