do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
