so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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