i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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