did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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