the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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