i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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