Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
