Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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