The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
