Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
