i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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