so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
