i think i have herpe
just one?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
