I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
