OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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