I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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