maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
