he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
