fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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