He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She bit a glass in half.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
