Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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