It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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