as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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