dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
