I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
its liver damage thursday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
