Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
