I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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