some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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