Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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