How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
