I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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