Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
