You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
