woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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