New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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