I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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