I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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