He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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