I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
