I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
