it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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