I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
