i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
