So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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