Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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