found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
