I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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