I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
