You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
