Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
