there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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