summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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