I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
