when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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