i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
