My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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