bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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