Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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