I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
