Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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