You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
