yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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