Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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