i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
