Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
