this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
