Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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