i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
