We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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