u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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