hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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