So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
