matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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