Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The ass gains better be worth it
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