Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
