Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
