i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
