just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
